think before you speak

... the words hit me like a sledgehammer. my face was red hot with embarrassment.

i never really thought much about commenting on people's bodies until i went to treatment for my eating disorder. i sat with other women as we shared stories and dug into the root of our ED. there were many times that comments from people we loved would hang inside our brains longer than any of us wanted to admit.

after that, i couldn't ignore it. it was like my spidey sense was heightened. it pisses me off when people do it, usually not even realizing it. even if it's meant to be a compliment, you truly never know someone's story (unless you ask).

i have a special kind of anger when adults comment on children's bodies. or complain about their own in front of them. so, if this is you ... stop. that is a post for an entirely different day though.

today, i'll tell you about this picture. willa took it of me.

nick + i had brought her to the beach to throw rocks in the water + look for agates. i took pictures and then handed the camera to her to do the same. she actually got some good ones. i was pretty proud.

this image that she took of me ... i loved it. it was me, from her perspective. a picture i wasn't even critical of myself in. which, was a huge win. i have been in a dark place with my body for quite some time, so feeling good about a picture (that a 2 year old took) made me feel like a freaking queen. i couldn't wait to share it. i thought, maybe even a new profile picture.

after we left the beach, we ran to the store to grab what we needed for dinner. i ran into an older lady that i knew. willa was next to me + she grabbed me as the lady talked to her. willa happened to place her hand on my belly.

the woman said to her, 'oh, do you have a baby brother or sister in there?' and as the words left her mouth, my face started to heat up. willa had no idea what she was talking about + i was not only embarrassed but also ... pissed off. i replied with a, 'nope, that's just mommy's belly. no baby'. and then we went our separate ways. she didn't offer an apology, not that one would have mattered. her words had blew bullet holes through the picture willa had just taken of me. i immediately felt huge, fat, ugly ... a dark cloud over the previous 30 minutes of me looking at those images my daughter had just taken. that was late this summer. i never shared this image. the one i loved so much.

i have battled body + weight issues my entire life. much like a kajillion other humans on earth. my perspective is not unique, but my voice is. it is time to make others think about what they say + do when it comes to bodies, diets, weight ... all of it.

why is this important?

because most people with weight + body issues do not share. it's typically a private battle. it also has nothing to do with what a person looks like on the outside.

think before you speak. please. if you have a minute, share in the comments the best compliment you ever received that had nothing to do with your body. i would love to hear them. because we are so much more than this bag of skin + bones we live in!

#bodyshame #edrecoveryfamily #eatingdisorderawareness #thinkbeforeyouspeak #bodypositive #bedrecovery #momthoughts #thetruthis #dietcultureistoxic #mommunity #theemilyprogram #speakupforthevoiceless #bethechangeyouseek #findingmyvoice #portraitofme #thestoryteller #blogmom #igbloggers #theweight #realbody